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Opinión: El problema con salir del clóset

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No suelo contar mi historia de como salí del clóset, por dos motivos; uno, fue un proceso lento y algo doloroso (como pasar piedras en el riñón) y fue, en consecuencia, una experiencia muy anti-climática; y dos, porque la gran mayoría de personas que nunca han salido de clóset, no entienden que no hay un momento definitivo en el que anuncias tu salida del clóset mientras un arcoiris se extiende en el horizonte y dildos vuelan a tu alrededor. Lamentablemente, la realidad de esta experiencia es mucho más mundana y se repite a lo largo de la vida de toda persona queer.

“El problema con salir del clóset, es que no lo haces una vez. El problema con salir del clóset es que nunca sabes cuándo hacerlo. El problema con salir del clóset es la presión de cumplir expectativas de todas las relaciones que tienes además de con una nueva capa de identidad queer. El problema con salir del clóset es salir del clóset, aceptar tu identidad como “otro”, no solo aceptarla, pero vivirla.” Fue el rant que tuve con mi psicólogo un día antes de decirles a mis papás que soy gay.

La escena estaba lista, más de 6 meses de role play en terapia tratando de anticipar toda posible reacción que mi papá y mamá puedan tener, pero nada pudo preparame para el momento cuando termine mi discursos de casi 30 minutos y fui recibido con un mero “Ah ya OK, te queremos, somos tus papás, no cambia nada.” Esa es la respuesta que toda persona queer espera cuando sale del clóset ¿no? Si es así, ¿por qué es que algo no me cuadraba? Quizás por el hecho que la semana anterior había sentado a mis hermanos para decirles lo mismo y sus respuestas fueron “un toque, ¿que?” y “bueno querías ser Ricky Martin de chibolo ¿que esperábamos?” Y la suma de dos reacciones, un tanto graciosas pero recontra anti-climáticas, me quitaron la oportunidad de tener mi momento de telenovela en el que salía llorando de un cuarto luego de una gran pelea en la tenía mi momento de reivindicación (si, yo sé, tengo problemas).

Quizás estos momentos tan anti-climáticos no me cuadraban por que soy un #DramaQueen que quiere tener un momento cinemático en el que puedo tener un dramatic exit. Quizás no me cuadraba porque sabía que mis relaciones sí iban a cambiar, y no sabía si para bien o para mal. La verdad, no sé si es que es uno o el otro, de repente los dos, no sé. Lo que sí puedo decir 3 años después de salir del clóset es que: salir del clóset no se hace una vez, sino cada día, con cada persona que conoces; que todas mis relaciones cercanas se han forjado mucho mas en mí y la relación con mis papás, cuando pudo ser un desastre, solo mejora cada día, también sé que disfruto más de la compañía de mis amigos y de mí mismo, so yeah… todo bien! #MaricónOrgulloso

Pride 2k17 Lima, Perú 🌈 #Proud #PrideMonth #ProudAF #Lima #Peru

Una publicación compartida por Matías M. G. (@matiasmontalvog) el

Matías Montalvo
Humano. Narcisista en recuperación. Estudiante de Antropología y Sociología. Queer.
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